My Favorite Books, #8 – Faking It by Jennifer Crusie

Love me some Jennifer Crusie!
Faking It Cover

While it is, on paper, a ‘sequel’ to Welcome to Temptation, this book is very much a stand alone. Funny, witty and with the heroine simply ‘putting up’ with the sex at the start , it’s a classic early Crusie turn-romance-conventions-on-their-heads story line.

The publisher’s weekly blurb:

Bestseller Crusie (Fast Women, etc.) takes readers on another smooth ride in her latest romantic caper. At the wheel this time is fab art forger Matilda Goodnight, whose chance encounter in a closet with cute con man/thief Davy Dempsey leads to madcap mayhem and breathless romance. He’s trying to steal back the money he filched from Clea Lewis, ex-girlfriend (and possible husband killer), who had taken it right back. Tilda just wants her last “Scarlet” painting, which Clea has bought to impress Mason Phipps, her rich art-obsessed beau. It’s the last of six forgeries Tilda did for Tony, her now deceased gallery-owner dad, and Tilda is determined to preserve her newly squeaky-clean reputation. Confused yet? It gets wackier, because the whole Goodnight clan and supporting cast are as enormously engaging as the loopy plot. There’s Tilda’s mother, Gwen; her sister, Eve/Louise, a split-personality teacher/diva; her gay ex-brother-in-law, Andrew; and her precocious teenage niece, Nadine. Add a host of shady characters and would-be hitmen, and the breezy plot thickens and puffs up like the light airy doughnuts all Goodnight women are attracted to but eventually forsake for muffins: “Muffins are for the long haul and they always taste good. They don’t have that oh-my-God-I-have-to-have-that thing that the doughnuts have going for them, but you still want them the next morning.” Finally, defying all odds, Crusie answers the burning questions she poses can liars and thieves fall in love, live happily ever after and stay out of jail? while confirming the dangers of dating doughnuts.

So many things are right with this book it’s hard to pinpoint a favorite. I think, if I had to give someone one reason to read it, aside from the aforementioned starting off with low-quality sex between the hero and heroine, I’d say, as a writer, it’s the depth and quality of the supporting characters.

Of course, now that I’m back in Ohio, picking a book set in Columbus isn’t a bad start either.

A home to survive the Zombie Apocalypse

Want a Zombie secure home with your own private runway?

I HAD TO TAKE THE VIDEO OF THE SILO HOUSE DOWN IT WAS CRASHING MY PAGE. :(

Just think about it. After you convert the unused missile silo into a hydroponic farm and cistern plus add in surface solar panels and wind turbines, you’ll have as secure a retreat as you’d ever need… for anything!

So, what would you do with this space?

Limericks (not clean / nsfw)

Last night, in my writers group chat, someone started a limerick challenge.

Which was all fine and dandy except I couldn’t stop at one.

So, in the hopes of *stopping* the flow, I’m posting my efforts here. Can’t say it’s my best form, but, well, I hope you find them humorous.

Totally NSFW and not okay for the younger crowd.

Let me know your favorite:

There once was a man from Bombay
Who said “I’m certainly not gay!
One week in the sack
with two guys at my back
was just an experiment, okay?”

There once was a gal from St. Ike
Who wouldn’t touch a stiff pike
The guys would flaunt ‘em
and she would taunt them
“I’m saving my love for a dyke.”

There once was a lady from Gaul
into whose ports many did call
They’d dip right in
leave with a grin
Until someone punctured the doll.

There once was a zombie from Maine
Who often lamented, her refrain:
Gals they excite me
Until they ignite me
Making sex a bit of a pain

A zombie once down on his luck
Said ‘man do I need a good fuck
Of course, I’m undead
So it should be said
I may leave my junk in your trunk.’

Wednesday Words: Boomie’s Spa Experience

This is one of the *funniest* bits of writing I’ve read in quite a bit. And it actually happened!

Boomie, who has (had?) a dating blog on Maplewood Online, wrote about an experience having a massage with a friend.

I’ll post the start, but you *have* to go read the rest (scroll down the page until you come across the ‘start’ I’ve posted)!

My special friend and I who shall remain nameless (double tee) decided to have a nice spa experience in Koreatown on the advice of another friend who shall remain nameless (lars)…

We had been in the city earlier so we took a cab to the spa, Juvenex. Its on the fifth floor of some greasy looking building so we get a little nervous but upon exiting the elavator we were pleased to see it was indeed “rainforest” like it in it’s prettiness inside, with tubs everywhere, steam rooms, showers etc.

After we picked our treatments we were quickly escorted to a room to change and given our locker keys. We were told to “put on these bathing suits”…..um what? I tell her, “we brought our bathing suits” and she replies “no no you use this one…” and she hands each of us what looked like a fortune cookie. These were our “bathing suits”…you unwrap them to find a paper piece of a napkin or some **** with velcro for a “top” and paper panties for the bottom….oh my GOD. A black paper bikini!!!!! A bikini made of a wet wipe! AND it was tiny! We got some ass and boobage goin on my girl and I… Did she REALLY think I was going to slap these DD’s into that? Double Tee and I were horrified but cracking up as we can’t seem to help doing….the vision of us walking around the spa in those paper bikinis with our t&a dangling and jangling in those handwipes… ok so we did it….hey at least it was black- that would have a slimming effect….so with the panties and top on….we are told to take a shower. Did I mention these Korean chicks at this spa are BOSSY?!!! They practically pushed us into the shower and told us to rinse ONLY.

Wednesday Words: 2011 Bulwer-Lytton Contest “Winners”

What’s not to love about a yearly “whimsical literary competition that challenges entrants to compose the opening sentence to the worst of all possible novels” ? The Bulwer-Lytton contest, named after the writer of the famous opening salvo “It was a dark and stormy night..” has named this year’s winner.

Cheryl’s mind turned like the vanes of a wind-powered turbine, chopping her sparrow-like thoughts into bloody pieces that fell onto a growing pile of forgotten memories.

Sue Fondrie

Oshkosh, WI

And, as always there are many gems in the ‘dishonorable’ mentions which are just as good, IMO. A couple of standouts include this runner up in the ‘romance’ category:

Deanna waited for him in a deliberate pose on the sailor-striped chaise lounge of the newly-remodeled Ramada, her bustier revealing the tops of her white breasts like eggs–eggs of the slightly undercooked, hard-boiled variety, showing a nascent jiggle with her apprehensive breath, eggs that were then peeled ever-so-carefully so as not to pierce the jellied, opaque albumen and unleash the longing, viscous yolk within–yes, she lay there, oblong and waiting to be deviled.

Meredith K. Gray

Ithaca, NY

And these in the ‘miscellaneous dishonorable mention’ category:

As the young officer studied the oak door, he was reminded of his girlfriend — for she was also slightly unhinged, occasionally sticky, and responded well to being stripped and given a light oiling.

Ian Fishlock

Harrow, London

and

Day broke upon the Baroness von Hestach with the pitiable insistence of all that she despised–a gray and unattractive intrusion into her sumptuous bedchamber, much like the Baron.

Holly Kohler

Concord, MA

Anyone have a favorite to share?

 

Wednesday Words – Deborah Gaines

Deborah is another of my internet pals. Actually ‘pal’ isn’t quite right, as we’re not in close communication and on any given day if you mentioned our names to each other it’d take a minute to place the other. Even more so for her as she knows me more for my weather blog and as USMNTFan. However, we do ‘know’ each other having met on Maplewood Online and both discovering we love to write.

Deb, however, veers more into corporate and non-fiction writing. Her blog The Corporate Writer, is a fun, helpful and interesting read, not the least of which is due to her lively interaction in the comments section.

While her blog is something you should check out, her first published article in Salon are my ‘Wednesday Words’ for today. A wonderful and touching piece on blended families, After the divorce, can my stepson still be my friend? is heartfelt and heart wrenching to read. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.